my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
