I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
