2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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