batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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