I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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