And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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