He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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