I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
