wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
