you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
