that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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