He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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