He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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