I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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