Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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