Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How does one acquire holy water?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
