i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
