We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My dick has a subreddit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
