I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
