That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
