Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
