I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
