I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
