the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
