I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
