I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
