I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
