R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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