It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
