What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
false alarm. still invincible.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
