I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
