Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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