Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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