Sponge bath it is.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
