Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
