don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
