after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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