just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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