Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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