just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
