My hand turned me down
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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