Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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