Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
