Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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