I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She tied me up with her honor cords...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
