I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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