there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
