a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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