Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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