Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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